Which NFL players or coaches would you want in your crew when the inevitable zombie apocalypse arrives? Do you go with a goal line package like Vince Wilfork and Haloti Ngata, for the biggest human shield possible?
Here’s what columnist Drew Magary had to say in response:
You don’t want big guys. It’s not like they require more bites to turn full zombie. They have more surface area for nibbling, and they can’t run as fast. You need players who have agility, who can learn to use a lobo in a relatively short period of time and outrun the zombie hordes. And you need to make sure those players aren’t ME FIRSTERS who will steal all the food from the campground and go freelancing on their own. That means Russell Wilson can play for my zombie killing team any day. You won’t catch him standing around during Armageddon! And you need Jim Harbaugh. If there were a zombie attack, I would do everything Jim Harbaugh said. He would scream at me to start digging protective trenches and I would say, “I can’t do it coach. I’m too tired and I’ve lost half my leg!” and he would grab me by the collar and scream, “DIG THAT TRENCH OR I WILL FUCKING EAT YOU MYSELF” and an hour later there would be a trench. Coach Jim pushes you to places you never thought you could go!
I disagree with this “you don’t want big guys” logic. I think we are forgetting that zombies can’t bite through football pads. It wasn’t specified in their premise if the players have their football pads or not, but let’s assume they do have their pads with them when the outbreak occurs. Better yet, lets take our lineman to a Dick’s Sporting Goods and get him some chest protectors, elbow pads, gloves, shin guards, neck pads, and any other kind of lightweight pads (essentially zombie body armor). Thirty minutes of good looting at any sporting good store and our lineman is now a nearly indestructible zombie killing tank.
The next time I’m choosing a team to help me battle crowds of undead bloodthirsty monsters, I think I’ll take the guy who has trained for his entire adult life to fight through a line of 300 lb men trained to stop him. Not to mention how useful his strength would be when it comes to other tasks that pop up during an apocalyptic scenario. He would certainly be able to carry more weapons supplies and provisions than any other team member of normal size and strength. How many times does a situation arise where zombies are trying to follow a group of survivors and they must hold a door shut to keep the zombies at bay. If you were in that situation, what would you give to have a lineman there to help you?
Sure leadership in an emergency situation is important, but even the strongest leadership can break down when people are panicking. That kind of leadership only works when the rest of the team has been conditioned to follow the commands of the leader. Sure an NFL coach is going to be a good leader in a zombie apocalypse but his team, who has worked with him and respects him as a leader, is more likely to benefit from his leadership than a rag-tag group of survivors. When the only thing that stands between you and a group of savage, mindless, creatures, hell-bent on ripping your intestines out with their bare hands, who do you want standing next to you? 300 lbs of brute strength? Or a short old guy barking orders at you?
Zombie DEFCON 
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